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| i love winter. i love the cold weather. i love rain. i love dark, foggy, depressing days. the only thing i dont really like about california is that its already almost the middle december.. and it doesnt even really feel like winter.
anyways, this semester is almost over. 4 more days of school. yipeeee~! :)
you know that feeling? you know, when your heart feels one way and your brain the other? i dont think ive ever been this conflicted and cautious over something. how ridiculous. waste of brain energy. -sigh- i wish i had the courage to just do it. im a chicken, always been and probably always will be. -sigh- i wish i wasnt so traditional. i wish i could just be bold & come out with it. i hope my brain can convince my heart otherwise. it probably wouldnt work out anyways. its ok, lois, God knows best. :)
learn from yesterday,
live for today,
hope for tomorrow.
so i was thinking.. i kinda wanna make a bigger impact in lives. i feel like there is so much more that can be done. theres so much i want to do! is that so wrong? i am reminded that i must have balance in my life and that i should slow down. the problem is, what if i dont want to? life is so exciting.
oh, so christina always has the best songs ever. i really like the one she just posted (hi christina. :) if you are reading this...)
Deciphering Me
Friend, it's getting late, we should be going
We have sat here beneath these flickering neons for hours.
While I am cracking their code, you are deciphering me
For I am a mystery, I am a locked room in a tall tower.
Oh can you feel the gravity falling, calling us home?
Oh did you see the stars colliding? Shining just to show,
We belong.
We belong.
Your telescope eyes see everything clearly
My vision is blurred but I know what I herd
Echoing all around.
Well I am telling you and you are deciphering me.
Not such a mystery, not such a faint and far away sound.
Oh can you feel the gravity falling? Calling us home?
Oh did you see the stars colliding? Shining just to show,
We belong.
We belong.
Its love, its love that holds us
We will be alright
Its truth, its truth that shows us
As we walk in this life.
Its love, its love that holds us
We will be alright
Its truth, its truth that shows us
As we walk in this life.
Oh can you feel the gravity falling? Calling us home?
Oh did you see the stars colliding? Shining just to show,
We belong.
Oh can you feel the gravity falling? Calling us home?
Oh did you see the stars colliding? Shining just to show,
We belong.
Oh can you feel the gravity falling? Calling us home?
Oh did you see the stars colliding? Shining just to show,
We belong.
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| so i could really be doing something productive right now. ya, right now, at 1:10 AM, yet i am not. wow, so typical lois, so typical.
lately my heart and my mind has been so jumbled. my messy room would be a living proof of that. at church the speaker said that if you want to really see the character of a person you should take a peek into their room. i think that makes complete perfect sense. i would hate to have anyone come take a slight look into my room because it is shamefully disorganized and cluttered. i keep telling myself that i have a legit reason (the responsibilities of school and life in general is kicking me in the rear end), but thats pretty much bull. the sad part is that i know it.
i figured i would turn to xanga to jot down some of my thoughts to help clear my mind. after all, it helped me in middle school and high school. it shouldnt be any different now that i am in college anyways.
lets start off with my favorite topic to write on xanga: college apps. oh gosh, how many entries have i created on this topic? poor you, im sure you are so sick and tired of reading my constant whining and moaning about something so insignificant. well, ya, i guess old habits die hard. you must think im such a geek to always constantly think about something such as "college apps", right? man, i think so too. but it soothes me in some odd way, and since this is my xanga, i think i am entitled to do so. college apps are due in a week, sunday to be exact. im still pretty much lost in what to write for my prompts. its not the matter of fact that i dont know what to write, i know what to write. i know the exact topics that i want to write on. its just i dont know how to write it. i dont know how to convey my feelings. im so scared of rejection, i guess. i thought i would be able to get over this in 2 years, right? oh, so wrong. but im sure by sunday, after clicking that submit button all will be well. so hang in there, dear friend, college apps news will be so history in just a few more months. wouldnt that be a relief? a great one. anyways. i should get working on that soon; after this entry.
moving on...
next topic? well, i guess.. i dont know where to start. hmm.. i think ill just leave it open-ended. hopefully whenever i read my old blogs and when i come across this specific entry the situation would have either passed peacefully or blossomed into something memorable. if i dont even remember this topic, i wouldnt mind. i shouldnt spend that much brain energy on this part of life right now anyways.
lets see.. i think thats about it.
i think i will try another tactic that i used in high school. i think im going to type up some ideas for my first personal statement prompt. if the following doesnt make much sense, do disregard it as simple babbling.
thailand trip 08. lessons learned. (excluding the spiritual aspects)
simple appreciation for convenience in america.
the need of hope in thailand.
the dream of achieving "the american dream"
you can enjoy life better without too much distracting technology.
life should be taken one step at a time.
enjoy life, it is way too short.
life is not all about achieving everything possible. stop to smell the roses.
understanding different cultures is a must in order to fully communicate well.
try to understand people from their perspective.
dont try to force others into seeing how you see their world. they just might not understand.
oh gosh, how can i turn this into an explanation why i want to major in global studies?
working with the children made me realize how much i enjoyed learning a new culture while trying to be innovative with how i communicated properly with them. before going on the trip i had to learn how the thai culture was. i became interested in other civilizations other than my society. while working with the people i found a new joy and passion -- helping those seemingly less fortunate than me through teaching them the english language and sharing the word of God. (expand here on how i helped -- purpose of mission trip) i went to thailand thinking i could make such an impact. however, they showed me the simple joys in life such as appreciating the water falls as nature's gift of a makeshift swimming pool, complete with its natural water currents. unpaved roads made it easier to enjoy the thrills of driving over rocky terrains. washing my clothes with my bare hands using collected rain water in a reservoir taught me that natural resources are to be cherished, not wasted. it was a mutual relationship consisting of giving and taking from the strengths of our counterparts that made our weaknesses vanish. at the end of the day, we were all human beings that had needs. a jigsaw puzzle had come together on its own when my eyes were opened to such values. life is not about being better than your neighbor, but rather about helping your neighbor reach his/her highest capability because in the end, you too will reap from what you sow.
you know what. i pretty much have an idea to what i want to talk about now. yay! :)
now its time to cut like 300 words out from my 2nd prompt response.
thanks for reading! :)
until next time,
God bless.
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| so ive officially finished my first year in college.
im not quite sure what to think of it..
im still waiting on grades.
1st semester was alright.
this semester hopefully is even better.
18 units 1st semester
22 units 2nd semester
22 units this coming fall semester.
i guess its sorta difficult to "enjoy" college life.
after junior year .. in the summer there was psych & poli sci at two jc's
then right after senior year .. was english + lab & econ at pcc
then there was fall semester, then there was winter intersession with 2 classes. then there was spring semester and now its going to be summer intersession with 3 classes, then its going to be fall semester once again with college applications.
im not quite sure what to think with the whole having to apply to colleges again. its going to be an ordeal id rather not have to deal with again, but its got to be done. :)
as for working at pinkberry. its been a little less than half a year. things have gotten really routine. i feel like a robot, sometimes, when im on the register. and when im not on the register its swirling some yogurt, topping on some fruits & whatnot, cleaning, cleaning, and more cleaning! but i like it, i suppose. definitely isnt my dream career. it only shows me how valuable a college education really is.
church has always been one of those places that will always bring a smile to my face.. no matter how tired i am. i feel so blessed to be serving alongside with the people im working with. a lot of them are such role models to me.. and its just so inspiring to see their fire for God. i cant wait for the thailand mission trip. i cant wait for the planning meetings & everything that the trip will hold. i cant wait to see what God has in store for me.
family -- ive come to really cherish my parents. my parents are like the ultimate supporters in my life. i see how they are together.. and i can only hope my future husband and i can be just as strong as my parents. as for my sister.. so now she doesnt treat me like a kid. we talk like.. as if we dont even have that 12 year gap between us. the thing is... iono.. gotta really pray for my sister. thats all i can say.
as for relationships with friends. there are some that i have gotten so much closer with, and i really enjoy their company. there are some that i would love to get to know better. there are some where i know we will be best friends forever through thick & thin (how cliche, but true). there are some where i cant help but be interested in. there are some where i want to reconnect with. there are some where id rather just stay away from. and then there are some where you unfortunately start to lose connection with. and with those.. with a few it doesnt hit home.. you just sorta expect it. but with one or two.. it hurts like crazy. the more you try to grab onto (or maybe i should just use the word "cling") them the harder things get. maybe because it is lose of common ground or distance, but their friendship means so much to you.. you just cant help but pray that things stay the same. though we all know that things change, and ultimately, time heals.
living with an apartment-mate can be difficult. its not that we fight or anything. we have never had one fight. just different values, lifestyles, ways of thinking, etc. i find myself compromising myself more than ever and it can be frustrating. the messiness of the place has gone beyond the top, and her laziness has resulted my feelings of wanting change to just apathy & reluctant acceptance that thats just how things are going to be. lets not even go there -- thats one can of worms i dont wish to open for now.
i guess i am done evaluating the bare bones of my first year in college. its been a wild ride & i cant wait for my 2nd year. :)
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| so of course, i always blog when there has been something "major" that happened...
3 years from 8th grade to 11th grade.
3 years from 11th grade to freshmen year in college.
hmm, i dont like these sequences of 3.
what more can i say...
history happens in a cycle. </3
other than that, when you have the right people surrounding you as a support system it helps you keep chugging along with your chin held up high.
make my life a prayer to You.
You wont relent.
loiss
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| (i got this from a friend)
there's a lot of truth in this
the following was written by ben stein and recited by him on cbs sunday
morning commentary.
MY CONFESSION:
I am a Jew, and every single one of my ancestors was Jewish. And it
does not bother me even a little bit when people call those beautiful
lit up, bejeweled trees Christmas trees. I don't feel threatened. I
don't feel discriminated against. That's what they are: Christmas
trees.
It doesn't bother me a bit when people say, 'Merry Christmas' to me. I
don't think they are slighting me or getting ready to put me in a
ghetto. In fact, I kind of like it. It shows that we are all brothers
and sisters celebrating this happy time of year. It doesn't bother me
at all that there is a manger scene on display at a key intersection
near my beach house in Malibu. If people want a creche, it's just as
fine with me as is the Menorah a few hundred yards away.
I don't like getting pushed around for being a Jew, and I don't think
Christians like getting pushed around for being Christians. I think
people who believe in God are sick and tired of getting pushed around,
period. I have no idea where the concept came from that America is an
explicitly atheist country. I can't find it in the Constitution and I
don't like it being shoved down my throat.
Or maybe I can put it another way: where did the idea come from that we
should worship Nick and Jessica and we aren't allowed to worship God as
we understand Him? I guess that's a sign that I'm getting old, too. But
there are a lot of us who are wondering where Nick and Jessica came
from and where the America we knew went to.
In
light of the many jokes we send to one another for a laugh, this is a
little different: This is not intended to be a joke; it's not funny,
it's intended to get you thinking.
Billy Graham's daughter was interviewed on the Early Show and Jane
Clayson asked her 'How could God let something like this happen?'
(regarding Katrina) Anne Graham gave an extremely profound and
insightful response. She said, 'I believe God is deeply saddened by
this, just as we are, but for years we've been telling God to get out
of our schools, to get out of our government and to get out of our
lives. And being the gentleman He is, I believe He has calmly backed
out. How can we expect God to give us His blessing and His protection
if we demand He leave us alone?'
In light of recent events...terrorists attack, school shootings,
etc. I think it started when Madeleine Murray O'Hare (she was murdered,
her body found recently) complained she didn't want prayer in our
schools, and we said OK. Then someone said you better not read the
Bible in school. The Bible says thou shalt not kill, thou shalt not
steal, and love your neighbor as yourself. And we said OK.
Then Dr. Benjamin Spock said we shouldn't spank our children when they
misbehave because their little personalities would be warped and we
might damage their self-esteem (Dr. Spock's son committed suicide). We
said an expert should know what he's talking about. And we said OK.
Now we're asking ourselves why our children have no conscience, why
they don't know right from wrong, and why it doesn't bother them to
kill strangers, their classmates, and themselves.
Probably, if we think about it long and hard enough, we can figure it
out. I think it has a great deal to do with 'WE REAP WHAT WE SOW.'
Honestly and respectfully,
Ben Stein
Funny how simple it is for people to trash God and then wonder why the
world's going to hell. Funny how we believe what the newspapers say,
but question what the Bible says. Funny how you can send 'jokes' through e-mail and
they spread like wildfire but when you start sending messages regarding
the Lord, people think twice about sharing. Funny how lewd, crude,
vulgar and obscene articles pass freely through cyberspace, but public
discussion of God is suppressed in the school and workplace.
Are you laughing?
Funny how we can be more worried about what other people think of us than what God thinks of us.
-----
first semester of college has finished.
its been a wild ride; thats all i can say, really.
i didnt do as well as i wished, but its ok.
comes jan 7th i know i have another chance, another chance, and another chance.
lois, remember, you mustnt get distracted and visit lalaland too often.
life has its limits & boundaries ... but
thank You God for Your unlimited mercy & grace
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